Mike's Mondays with Mike McGee: ...Trust Me

       Webster’s dictionary defines fox as, “any of various carnivorous mammals (especially genus Vulpes) of the dog family related to but smaller than wolves with shorter legs, more pointed muzzle, large erect ears, and long bushy tail.” That is loosely revelant to today’s MMwMM. But while we’re at it, Webster’s dictionary defines dictionary as, “a reference source in print or electronic form containing words usually alphabetically arranged along with information about their forms, pronunciations, functions, etymologies, meanings, and syntactical and idiomatic uses.” 

       It really Merriam-Webster, but people usually just call it Webster’s, which is a good thing since Noah Webster did all the work and the Merriams came in and just did the publishing when Noah died. This is sad on two counts: one, I’ve spent this whole paragraph not talking about anything that anyone is interested in; two, I actually did research in order to talk factually about nothing. I played Star Fox 64 3D. Fox definition. Brilliance.

crap...I forgot my joke

       Yeah, so many of you have played Star Fox 64, including me. Arguably the best Star Fox game in existence, easily…because you wouldn’t have to argue very long, if at all, about that fact. It’s also long time secret admirer of the show Jon Jafari’s favorite game ever and his second favorite game about foxes named Fox [so much citation needed]. That last sentence really shouldn’t influence you to play the game (shame on you if it does) and you should be questioning its place in this- this…I wanna say informative review, but that’s not- yeah whatever, I’ll go with that. Anyways, I played the 3DS version of the game. It’s less its own game and more of Nintendo’s way of doing DLC update patchwork…I know game lingo. This is definitely the best version of the game available. The graphics and sounds are amazing; it’s all of the charm from the N64 version without the N64 versionness. In case you were keeping track the score is Me:1 Correct semicolon use: 1. Hmm, I should score these better.

So crisp, so clean- clean. Also, not in 3D, just in case you were an idiot.

       The game allows you to play in two different modes “3DS mode” and “64 mode.” The only difference that I can tell is that you can move the 3DS around to control the ship in 3DS mode, but you don’t have to. So they’re basically the same because, trust me, you don’t want to move your 3DS to fly your ship. Just trust me, it’s a pain in the ass. Anyways, in all the times I played this game, I never got the secret ending which apparently this game has. From what I gathered, you simply have to “accomplish” all your missions as opposed to just “completing” them, which results in you taking the topmost path to Andross’s planet, Venom. Spoiler alert: I did that. That way was full of surprises. I met this cat named Katt; she was pretty cool (Me/Correct semicolon use: 2). I have no idea why this is the first time I’ve heard or seem this cat chick. She’s got it all! She’s helpful in combat and she annoyed Falco because she showed him how much a f*cking jerk he can be sometimes. The next surprise. You know how Fox had a dad, well I saw that dude! He looked like Fox but with sunglasses on. You may think that’s pretty speciesist of me, but no, James McCloud is literally Fox McCloud’s sprite with sunglasses. But he helped me escape Andross’s base after I blew up his brain and eyeballs, so it’s all good. Like I said, this is definitely the best version of the game, but, if updated graphics isn’t enough reason to buy this game then, don’t. There aren’t too many new features in this installment, if any. If you don’t own the game already, like me, then get this version…trust me.

Pic of Mike's dad and his rockin' bod

       You may have noticed that I’ve been doing a lot of handheld games. That’s because I’ve been as busy as John has these past couple weeks. I typically only have time play on the train ride into and back from school. So, not fixing a broken *mumble*, we’ve got The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening DX. The DX stands for, “it’s got color…and an ‘exclusive color-based dungeon.’ Whatever that is.” This game stands out from other titles because you’re not collecting Triforce pieces, rescuing Zelda, or even fighting Ganon (Yes, I’m aware that Majora’s Mask doesn’t have that stuff either. You can’t out-fan me, ha!) You’re on an island and you have to collect 7 mystical instruments to get off…No wait! Come back, it’s good! This isn’t the hardest of Zelda games I’ve played (even though I’m currently stuck in the second dungeon), but it still has that classic Zelda feel and charm. I’m not that far into the game, but I got an item that let’s me jump on command. That’s pretty sweet! God, I’m doing a terrible job selling this.

HOLY SH*T, JUMPING! DOES NOBODY KNOW ABOUT THIS?!

       I’d like to think that everyone had a blast working on this game because it’s just full of goofy 4^th wall jokes and cameos from other Nintendo games, including Chain Chomp, Goombas, Kirby, some dude from SimCity, and even more. A lot of elements in this game also seem to have made it into Ocarina of Time, and by “a lot” I mean two that I can think of: the fishing mini game, and the trading side quest. That says a lot about a game that Miyamoto had no creative input into. If you’re a Zelda fan, you should pick this game up and then let me know because John and I started a competition on who can get more readers to play the games that they talk about. So far, we’re dead even at 0-0. First one to 100, wins!

Oho, those crazy Japanese!

       Regardless of how many games I actually played this week, I’ll leave you under the impression that I only played these two. In classic MMwMM, I’ll immediately contradict myself and say that I beat Kingdom Hearts 3D [Dream Drop Distance]. Oh man, that’s a good game. The plot came to together in the end. Holy sh*t, did it come together. This is definitely my favorite plot in the whole series so far. Usually, I’m just like, “Yeah, play the game or don’t, I don’t care. That counts as my opinion on the game, right?” but, seriously, play this game…trust me. And if you’re a Kingdom Hearts fan, there’s no excuse. I know I basically said this last week, but that means that I mean it, right? Don’t forget to let me know that you played the game because of my posts; I really need this win (3/3).

            Happy 24^th (that’d be embarrassing if I did the math wrong) Anniversary to my parents! And until next week, Stay Shlocky! (…that’d catch on)